Why Women Stay Silent After Abuse | Healing Sexual Trauma Holistically

 In Ask Dr A, Blog

One thing that writing and researching a book on women’s sexuality brings up is the hidden struggle to get past sexual trauma. I’ve heard from so many women who have experienced some sort of sexual trauma — whether being groped, raped or harassed — why they chose to keep the abuse to themselves.

With a very brave woman coming forth last month to explain how she, too, was allegedly groped by Donald Trump while waiting for a car service at the US Open, the question has come up: “Why did you stay silent for so long.”

What few people talk about is the internal struggle women deal with after a sexual assault. It’s bad enough that the event happened, but when authorities don’t believe women, dismiss or belittle their claims or accuse them of lying, it’s no wonder that women want to keep the incident to themselves.

In addition to fear of having to defend their side of the story in a system that often helps men get off with lesser charges, some women carry the burden of feeling it was their fault. To think that somehow, they themselves were to blame for being in the wrong place at the wrong time plagues them. Some even feel that if they hadn’t worn a dress, or had on lipstick they might not have been seen as a target.

Some of my clients have shared with me how the history of a past sexual trauma caused them to be shy, reserved and withdrawn. Some have a hard time trusting men, some fail to open up to love and some sabotage good relationships out of fear.

Fear of being labeled a ‘victim’ and fear of being ostracized by friends and family makes many women suffer in silence. The problem is that this kind of trauma doesn’t fade with the passing of time unless it is processed. But if a young girl or woman doesn’t open up to her family and friends, she cannot process and heal. She may not be able to enjoy intimate relationships in the future. She may not find forgiveness for the perpetrator nor for herself.

These issues bring to mind questions about the type of culture we live in. What message are our children getting from the media coverage of these stories? We get hints that the world is not safe. That girls should be suspicious and wary of all men.

It is for this reason that the healing workshops and discussions I lead around the world are a welcome, safe place for women to be open, vulnerable and honest. They offer a place for healing and transcendence.

There is hope and there is a way to go beyond the pain, shame and guilt.


I invite you to share the upcoming events and discussions that I and my colleagues are offering over the coming weeks and months. Share with me any events that you know of as well.


Upcoming Events, Signings & Appearances

F.I.E.R.C.E. Week: I will be in London on January 18 with the Scarlet Ladies team for a series of informal chats & discussions hon how to unleash your freedom in the bedroom and how to boost your orgasm capacity. Details here.

Interview Series: My friend Cynthia Harrison is putting together an online event called “3 Minds Mastery: The power to thrive in life’s extremes, reconnect with joy and live into your unlimited potential”. Join FREE here

World Awakening Summit: I along with 24 other world-class experts have gathered together and are offering a FREE master class called The World Awakening. Find out your TRUE gifts, your purpose, your destiny! Click here to join!


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