Ego Dissolution / Death on Psychedelics | How ayahuasca & magic mushrooms removed my fear of death

 In Conscious Evolution, ego death, microdosing mushrooms

Hello, beautiful soul!

Welcome to the Psychedelic Curious Journal. This week I’m sharing a short video about how sitting in ceremony with sacred plant/fungal medicine helped me prepare for the transition of my mother after her stroke in 2020.

Ego Death/Dissolution: The mystical experiences we have in psychedelic therapy are a big part of what leads to lasting life changes and shifts in perspective. It’s not just the molecule or substance, it’s the melting into Oneness and connecting with the Divine and essential Self that can make long standing health issues fall away. Of course the medicines have important effects on the brain & nervous system— including increasing neuroplasticity — that are part of the healing properties of psychedelics, but the insights, awareness & direct experience of who you really are with the mystical experience is said to be life altering.

With post ceremony integration groups, Breathwork, journaling & meditation the effects of the plant medicine are continued & enhanced.

This article & video are for information purposes only, with a goal toward harm reduction.
I do not condone the purchase, possession, sale, or consumption of any illegal substances. And I do not advocate for, endorse, or intend for this material to be used to violate federal law.

My very first ayahuasca ceremony in 2017 was held in a retreat center in Peru with a beautiful ayahuascera (medicine woman) whose family lineage included many shamans. I felt very safe and well cared for and prepared for the experience, especially as I’d had a full decade to contemplate this sacred plant medicine.

While I wasn’t ready to answer Grandmother Ayahausca’s call back in 2007 where I first heard a Black American shaman describe it, by the time my mother’s memory was being eroded by Alzheimer’s I was definitely ready. One of the highlights of that ceremony includes connecting with the soul of my mother where I grieved the loss of her memory, and the mother I once knew.

I also asked her soul to grant me forgiveness for all the stupid stuff I did as a teenager. Having an opportunity to sit in ceremony with 5 grams of psilocybe mushrooms in 2021, I was blessed with another connection to mom’s soul. I spoke to her, entirely in French, and told her to hang on, as I had a trip to the USA in a matter of days.

She did hold on. I made it to Vegas to see her one last time before she passed. I am most grateful for that.

After mom’s passing I sat with magic mushrooms again, this time to process the new wave of grief at her leaving her earthly body in September, 2021. In that session I was transported to a scene from my early childhood that was particularly traumatic. In this visual scene I saw a black, smoky energy that had seeped from my mother to me as a toddler.

Mom had unhealed wounds from losing her mother as a child, and being all but disowned by her father. I never realized how much of her pain and sadness has impacted me all of my life, but in this psilocybin induced review I saw and felt it with deep tones of grief and hopelessness.

Fortunately, that wasn’t the end of the visit to my troubled past. I saw that as my mother was being pulled ‘into the Light’, the dark shadow left toddler-Andrea and went with mom to be cleansed and healed in the Light.

I wept for the baby who had no choice in taking on that dark energy. I sobbed for how much it had lingered in my psyche feeling constantly bad, wrong, defective…

I had and still have immense compassion for mom. She didn’t have the resources we have today to break free from the effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences. I was grateful that as she transitioned into the hereafter, she will get the healing and relief she so deserved.

A Poignant Rebirth for Mom

I was also blessed with a trip to Costa Rica where I spent a week at Rhythmia Life Advancement Center for my birthday in November of 2021. Along with my colleague and business bestie, Dr. Jill Stocker, we sat in ceremony 4 nights in a row with ayahuasca and yagé.

For more on why anyone would drink ayahuasca, click here for a short video overview.

In the first ceremony I was visited by a few dear friends who have recently left this world. I was touched to make amends and reminisce with each of them, making new commitments to honor their memories in special ways. But as I started emerging from my reverie, I suddenly realized I hadn’t felt my mother’s presence as I had over the last few weeks.

Just then I was shown a scene of a small baby boy being born. I was shown a highlight of a sweet family with one other small child. Mom’s soul was reborn and I was filled with such joy! Mom loved life. She always squeezed the most out of it and I know she wanted more.

I no longer feel any fear of death — of myself or my loved ones. All of these journeys showed me that we come from pure energy, a Divine source of all life, and we will return to that Source again.

I realize that the studies dating back to 2011 and beyond have shown that psilocybin, for example, can be used to treat the anxiety and depression seen in patients with end-stage cancer. Oneness is who and what we are. And there is no need to fear death… you’ll be back 😉

🍄🌵Disclaimer: This journal is for information and harm reduction purposes only. Note that psilocybin and LSD are classified as Schedule I substances under the United Nations 1971 Convention on Psychotropic Substances and are illegal in most countries.

I do not condone the purchase, possession, sale, or consumption of any illegal substances. And I do not advocate for, endorse, or intend for this material to be used to violate federal law.

Need emotional support during or after a psychedelic experience? 

Fireside Project Is a nonprofit that operates the Psychedelic Peer Support Line. They provide free, confidential peer-to-peer emotional support to people in the midst of psychedelic experiences or processing past psychedelic experiences. You can reach out to them every day from 3pm to 3am PT by phone or text message (62-FIRESIDE | +1 623-473-7433) or mobile app. Their mission is to help people minimize the risks and fulfill the potential of their psychedelic experiences.



If you’d like to work with me privately to prepare for or integrate your psychedelic journeys, get in touch by replying to this email or visit this link.

I currently help people prepare for their travel to countries where it is legal to sit in ceremony with ayahuasca or yagé, magic mushrooms and more. In virtual mentoring sessions I also facilitate the integration of psychedelic experiences.

Note: I do not give advice on where to purchase these substances, so please do not ask! Depending on which country, city and state you live in, it may be best to grow your own mushrooms for private use. Learn more about that here with course info from the good folks at DoubleBlind magazine.


Curious to know why I decided to get certified in Psychedelic Assisted Therapy and why we are featuring breath work in our In8Vitality retreats to create non-ordinary states of consciousness? Watch this video where I explained the healing I’ve received with the aid of sacred plants and fungi.

Feel free to email me with your questions or content suggestions.

This article was first posted in the In8Vitality Magazine on April 24, 2022.

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